anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
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