Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
