I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
