if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
