I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
