I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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