the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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