Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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