when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
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