Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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