there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
