Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
