so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Randomize
