Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
