Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
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