He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
