I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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