i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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