I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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