I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
