win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
