flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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