if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
