No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
