In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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