Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize