Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
