Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
