Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Randomize