my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
