I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
