i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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