the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
