I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
