3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
