Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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