My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
