at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
