i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
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