you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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