You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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