Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
please don't ironically join a cult
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