@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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