We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
