She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
