im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
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