Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
His hands were made for my vagina.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
