I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize