Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
