I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
