you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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