My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
