Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
