i wish there were pregnant emoticons
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
