True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I woke up under a house in Key West
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
