he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
