another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I wish there were birth control emojis
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
