For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
