he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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