Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
