come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
