jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
i think my mom watched the whole time
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
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