Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
