somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
