I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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