You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
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