After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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