I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize