Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
