gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
