maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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