matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I look better un-naked...
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
