Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
